Two boys were playing marble and suddenly rushed to the hospital.
Smaller boy told to the doctor, "I have swallowed a marble."

Doctor: "I see, Is this your brother with you?" asked to the older boy.
The other boy replied "No, I own the marble."

There were two brothers at aged 12 & 8. They were so naughty and always people comes with complain to their parents. Parents became very fed-up and they have taken them to the mental doctor.
Doctor firstly call 12 years boy and asked him "Tell me where is god?" The boy keep himsilence. Then doctor again with loud voice asked him "Tell me where is God?".

The boy suddenly ran away and went to his home and hide himself in his cloth cupboard.
When another brother saw that he also ran away after him and reached to the home and asked "Brother what doctor asked you and why you ran away?"
The elder brother said, "God is missing and everybody thinking that we did it"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.

Johnny: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you're wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots !!

PAPPU: Yes, it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO" !!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !

Teacher : Pappu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Pappu : No, teacher, it's the same dog… we both wrote on!!!

Even though he could not tell time, my three-year-old grandson was playing with a wall clock when I visited.

Later, when I was putting on my coat to leave, I asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, then brightened.
"It's time for you to go," he answered triumphantly.

Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future?

Ram : I want to be a pilot.
Vinod : I want to be a doctor.
Deepa : I want to be a good mother.
Ravi : I want to help Deepa.

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "God is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "God? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why?
She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.
The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called,
Junior said "the number u are trying to call is not reachable".

What's the richest kind of air?
Billionaire.


Why did the Skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with him.

What did the mountain climber name his son?
Cliff.

Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot. Everyone can catch cold.

Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.

Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?
Because he's always spotted.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight (ate) nine!


What did Zero say to Eight?
Nice belt!

What has ten letters and starts with gas?
An automobile.

What did the bee say to the flower?
Hi, honey.


What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
"You're too young to smoke.".

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie. The genie grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home -- and poof!, he is back home. The second guy wishes the same thing -- and poof!, he is gone too. The third guy says, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

What's the connection between Winnie the Pooh and Atilla the Hunn?
Same middle name!
Why did the chicken cross the road????
*to get to the other side!!!!!! he he he!!!......never mind

Why did the farmer cross the road?
*to catch his chicken!!!!!!!!!!!ha ha ha ha !!!!......


Back to School
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!"

Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

Calling in Sick
A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day.
Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
This is the actual conversation of the telephone call...
Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.
Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"
Kelly: "This is my mother."
Needless to say, she didn't pull it off!

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Well, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No." replied the boy.
"I'm the principal's daughter." said the girl.
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sign of relief.

A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.

Teacher: Amit, make a sentence starting with the letter 'I'.
Amit: I is...
Teacher: No, no, no, don't say "I is", you say "I am".
Amit: OK, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Patty: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Patty: Seven!
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Patty: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Patty: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Patty: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me...
I must be a god!

Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Kid (on phone): Madam, my son will not come to school today.

Madam: Who are you?

Funny Kid: My papa is speaking.

Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q. How do you tease fruit?
A. Banananananananana!

Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A. Because he wanted to work over-time!

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?
A. Jell-o!

Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?
A. When you're eating a watermelon!

Q. How did the farmer mend his pants?
A. With cabbage patches!

Q. What do you call artificial spaghetti?
A. Mockaroni!

Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?
A. He has a lot of ketchup time!

Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!

Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?
A. Tomato Paste!

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A. Because his parents were in a jam!

Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A. A stomach-cake! ( stomach ache)

Q. When does a cart come before a horse?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.

Q. Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?
A. Because he wasn't very hungry.

Q. When is a car not a car?
A. When it turns into a garage.

Q. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had kids, who would be the biggest of the three?
A. The baby, because he's a little Bigger!

Q. What did the carpet say to the floor?
A. "You go ahead I'll cover you"

Q. What is a computer's favorite dance?
A. Disk-o

Q. Why did the little boy put lipstick on his head?
A. He wanted to make up his mind!

Q. What kind of ship never sinks?
A. Friendship!

Q. What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
A. Stop going in circles and get to the point!

Q. Why did the computer squeak.
A. Because someone stepped on it's mouse